Alice’s Restaurant

August 30, 2007

A Visit to the Doctor’s Office

Filed under: Day to Day Life — aliceaudrey @ 12:03 am

I had a minor complaint that sent me to the doctor’s office yesterday. 

I was told the doctor wasn’t there because she had injured her back.  However, my condition was considered serious enough to be tested by the nurse.  All they needed was a urine sample.  Why they made me wait an extra day to come in for something the nurse could have done the day before is beyond me, but I won’t belabor the point.

They had me pee in a cup, then sit in the waiting room while they ran the test.  So there I am, sitting in their hard-backed chairs with the tasteful, cloth covers when I notice something.  Every chair in the room – about a dozen – had a stain on it.

I’m not one of those people who insists on a perfectly clean environment, but it strikes me as particularly undesirable for a doctor’s office to have stained furniture.  I couldn’t help wondering where the stains had come from.  I found my self eying the shape, color, and position of the stains, making guesses.  I found myself on the edge of my seat, unwilling to relax when I knew there was a stain right behind me.

The nurse then came back from the lab and informed me that – gosh, gee – I was right.  I did have an infection.  She then precedes to ask all those nosey questions normally reserved for the examination room – which I never reached -  across about 12 feet of space, including the receptionist’s counter and the receptionist herself.  One question after another asked so quickly I didn’t have time to think about what the most accurate answer might be.  I’m only glad the waiting room didn’t fill up until a few minutes later.

The result is that I’m not entirely sure I really got what I needed.  I’m hopeful, but not absolutely sure.  Yet I’m not about to complain.  After all, they did try to accommodate me.  That’s better than I might have gotten.

Alice

August 29, 2007

Made in China

Filed under: From the Mail Bag — aliceaudrey @ 12:52 am

There was a time, a few centuries ago,  when Made In China was an assurance of quality.  When I was a kid Made In Taiwan was a guarantee whatever it was would break.  Now Made in China has become a new, deadly form of Made in Taiwan.

Remember the pet food that killed cats and dogs?  Made in China.

Now there is a new recall, one for toys.

http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=232&z=7

http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=228&z=1

Make that two for toys.

I’ve got a new spool of thread.  It says “Made in China” on the label.  I guess I’ll have to thread my machine and take my chances. 

Alice

August 28, 2007

Tudor Follies: the End of Henry

Filed under: Henry VIII, History, History with Mr. Al — aliceaudrey @ 12:33 am

Just when we thought Katherine was bound for execution, she stop screaming and got smart.  Lets see if Wriothesley faired as well.  Take it away, Mr. Al.                                                                   ****Henry, Katherine and assorted hangers-on were gambolling in the royal gardens when Wriothesley showed up with forty Tower guards in tow. Most likely Katherine and the ladies were gambolling. Henry’s gambolling days were a very distant memory by then. Henry took the Lord Chancellor aside and read him the riot act. Trick me into believing my loving wife was a heretic, eh? Bamboozle me into burning my Queen at the stake, huh? You never did like her; you and Gardiner. Get the hell out of my garden and take these goons with you or I’ll give ‘em a new set of orders!

Wriothesley dropped to his knees and begged Henry’s forgiveness. Fat chance! Lord Chancellor Wriothesley scurried away with his tail between his legs. Katherine was the picture of innocent astonishment when Henry returned. “Golly Snookems, what was THAT all about? How come the Lord Chancellor had all those Tower guys with him?” As angry as Henry was, the warrant DID have his signature on it. Tricked or not, it was kinda hard to explain. Henry decided the best explanation was none at all. He said nothing about the warrant. He told her it was all a misunderstanding. It was a guy thing and as the Head Guy, he’d deal with it. Katherine and the ladies could go back to gambolling. Which they did with joyous hearts.

In the end, no action was taken by Henry against either Wriothesley or Gardiner. And these gentlemen never bothered the Queen again either. More importantly, the Queen never argued with Henry again. Her ladies were forbidden to own, disseminate, acknowledge, discuss or even whisper about ANYTHING even vaguely heretical. Upon pain of instant dismissal. Everyone conformed, with a capital “C” to Henry’s church. She was still a closet Lutheran, of course. But she was so far back in the closet that no one would openly suspect her. Till the day Henry died, she was the Dutiful Wife Extraordinaire.

As the summer of 1546 moved into autumn, Henry’s health began to seriously deteriorate. Between the pustular ulcer on his leg and his great weight, Henry couldn’t move without the use of a specially designed chair with a built in crane, Henry knew he was dying. He wasn’t afraid to face it. He made out a detailed will and set up Edward’s Regency Council. Henry had always been a realist when it came to politics. He saw how England was changing, how it was moving in an undeniably Protestant direction. The Protestants would change his church, but the Catholics would destroy it utterly. Accordingly, he appointed men to the Council who held Protestant sympathies. He also took care to appoint Protestant tutors for Edward.

Wriothesley and Gardiner were appointed. Henry knew them well enough to know what they wanted above all else was power. They would amend their religious beliefs once they realized they might loose their jobs if they didn’t. This would also protect Katherine. Henry knew what she really believed, even though everyone had to pretend otherwise. In as much as Henry was capable of loving anyone, he seemed to have truly loved Katherine. For her part, Henry’s approaching demise genuinely upset Katherine.

He left Katherine something to remember him by. Jewels, plate and household goods for the rest of her life. He also left her his entire wardrobe. While this might seem odd to the modern reader, it should be remembered that fancy clothing in those days often had jewels sewn into them. They also had much embroidery work with gold and silver thread. The satin and silk fabrics were worth a considerable sum by themselves. She also received 1,000 pounds cash, the return of her dowry and whatever properties Parliament saw fit to bestow upon her. They were very generous.

Henry had done about all he could do to be prepared. The fact that the Regency Council would ignore some of Henry’s wishes before his body was cold should not be surprising. With Wriothesley and Gardiner on the Council, Katherine was  banished from the court. She received her due, but they did not want her around Edward. They didn’t seem to care if Mary and Elizabeth hung out with her. They should have.

Eventually Elizabeth would enter Katherine’s household. She was thirteen. Elizabeth and Katherine would both live to regret this, but Katherine’s new hubby, Lord High Admiral Sir Thomas Seymour, would not. It is still a matter of debate how much Sir Thomas’s “attentions” toward Elizabeth affected her as concerns men and marriage; But that’s another story altogether. Suffice it to say that the Tudor follies continued. Edward was king and the Protestant reformation, begun in secret, was now moving into the open. Unfortunately for the Protestant cause, Edward would not be long on the throne.

With his death, his half-sister Mary would become Supreme Monarch. Mary moved with an implacable will to restore the Catholic Church. It would be a very dark period in England’s history. Much else in Henry’s will was ignored by the Council in the power struggle that followed his death. They fought over who would have the most access to nine year old Edward. More importantly, they fought over who would give orders in the King’s name. It became an unholy mess.

One thing was clear however; the people of London were grief stricken at Henry’s passing. As displeased as they were with Henry from time to time, they loved him all the same. Henry was a Londoner, one of them. He spent much of his time there and was proud to call it his city. When Henry died, quietly and in bed, on January 28, 1547, the city was plunged into mourning. It most certainly was not the end of the Tudor follies, but it was the end of the man. And with his passing, the end of an age.

                               Le Roi Est Mort! Vive Le Roi! 

                                                            ****

And thus ends Mr. Al’s take on the wives of Henry the Eighth.

Mr. Al assures me he will be ready to start up his take on the Georges very soon.  I’d like to start them in September, but that’s only a few days away.  If I can, I’ll be posting them in Wednesdays.

August 25, 2007

Prelude to an Episode?

Filed under: writing — aliceaudrey @ 10:38 am

As you know, Suzie has been going on a while.  I’ve been told that you really have to read some of the previous material in order to understand an/or appreciate the current episode.  I would very much like to get more people interested in Suzie’s House.  I hate to think potential readers will come to the blog, start to read an episode, and get so lost they chose never to read another.

I tried to put all the episodes together, or at least link to them all, on my web site but ran into a ridiculous number of problems.  It’s easy to pull up old episodes simply by clicking on the Suzie’s House category button in the bar to the right, but they come up in reverse order.  Besides, there are now over 30 of them.  Even if they are mostly under 1000 words each, it’s a lot to as a new reader to read.

Do you think including some sort of recap each week would make a difference?  Should I post it at the beginning of each episode or put a link to it?  Would it be worth the time?

Alice

August 23, 2007

Fw: Folks from Texas

Filed under: From the Mail Bag, Jokes — aliceaudrey @ 1:01 am

Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from
Texas …

If someone in a Lowe’s store offers you assistance and they don’t work
there, you may live in Texas

If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas .

If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a
wrong number, you may live in Texas .

If “Vacation” means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may
live in Texas .

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas .

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live
in Texas .

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both
unlocked, you may live in Texas .

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them,
you may live in Texas .

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph — you’re going 80 and
everybody s passing you, you may live in Texas .

If you find 60 degrees “a little chilly”, you may live in Texas .

If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your Texas
friends & others, you definitely live in Texas .

August 21, 2007

Entertainment

Filed under: fiction — aliceaudrey @ 11:38 pm

I saw Blood and Chocolate tonight.  It’s an interesting movie, and I’m glad I saw it, but when Mr. Al, who also gets into Paranormal type movies, asked if he should rent it again so he could see it from the beginning, I said “no.”

Now I’m wondering why.  Like I said, I’m glad I rented it.  It has a few good lines delving into the nature of the characters and their condition in life.  It had characters I liked.  The themes were handled well.  Why didn’t I love it?

I think it’s because I like my werewolves to be a little lighter.  I’m not a gore fan.  I would not recommend Werewolves of London to anyone.  What I like are great one-liners, characters who don’t take themselves so seriously, and a solid underlying story.

Hmmm… come to think of it, that’s what I like in all my movies.

How about you?  What do you look for in a movie?

Tudor Follies: Arm Chair Theologians

Filed under: Henry VIII, History, History with Mr. Al, Research — aliceaudrey @ 1:01 am

When we left off Katherine was behaving the same way so many of Henry’s other wives did when finding out how blood thirsty Henry could be.  She had a royal hissy fit.  Let’s see if she fairs any better than the others.***

So sayeth the doctor to Katherine; “First, don’t say anything to anybody else about the warrant! When you talk to Henry, tell him that you could sense that he was upset about something. That after much soul searching you concluded he was upset because you were such a smart-ass know it all. Tell his Royal Husbandness that you will never, EVER do or say ANYTHING that will EVER contradict or upset His Most Benign and Forgiving Royal Self EVER AGAIN! Cross your heart and hope to die!

And tell your servant to put that frick’n warrant back where she found it! Without being seen! If Henry knows you know what he knows, you’re toast. Um…Your majesty will forgive me that last bit. Just a figure of speech.” Katherine continued to carry on as loudly as before, but now she had a plan. The doctor returned to Henry shaking his head. Henry decided to pop in and see what was upsetting his little armchair theologian.

He stayed with Katherine for about an hour, them returned to his rooms. As soon as he was gone Katherine ordered her ladies to gather up any books, pamphlets, letters, anything that might be considered heretical and burn them. Then, in deep remorse mode, she went to Henry’s room for a little chat. Henry was there with some chaps, discussing…religion! Henry invited Katherine in. Perhaps she’d care to add her two shillings on the subject.

Katherine answered Henry’s questions very carefully. She then stated that, as the supreme head of the One True Church, she would never dream of contradicting him on matters of doctrine. Henry was having none of that.
He said, “Not so, by St. Mary! Ye are become a doctor, Kate, to instruct us, as often time we have seen, and not to be instructed or directed by us.”

Katherine had to proceed with the utmost care. If she couldn’t convince Henry she was behind him on matters of the church… She started by saying she had been misunderstood. She was a woman! How could she possibly know as much as her vastly superior husband? If she argued with him it was only for the sake of taking his mind off the cares and burdens of being a king! If she played the devil’s advocate it was for entertainment purposes only! She truly believed she was making her beloved husbands life more pleasant by giving his brain cells a run for their money.

Henry’s heart melted. His little Kate had only noble intentions from the very beginning. He knew it all along. Said Henry,
“Is it so, sweetheart? And tended your arguments to no worse end? Then we are perfect friends, as ever at any time heretofore.”
He bought it all. He hugged her and kissed her and told her he would never doubt her again. After she left, he turned his attention to those who had badmouthed her. The scales had fallen from his eyes. He could see the plans of Wriothesley and Gardiner plain as day. Something would have to be done about those two. 

Meanwhile, the butterfingered councilor had found the warrant right where he dropped it. Yowza! That was a close one! His relief can only be imagined. At some point in the evening Wriothesly became aware of the document’s existence. Since it bore Henry’s signature, he decided not to wait for Henry to make up his mind. He was going to move in for the kill the next day. Lord Chancellor Wriothesley was about to discover how mercurial a prince Henry could be.

****

What a foolish, foolish man.  Wriothesly, I mean.

No, this does not end the Tudor Follies.  Mr. Al has one last episode ready to go.  I couldn’t resist; I went ahead and read it.  I promise, next Tuesday we will end the series with a great post.

Thank you Mr. Al, both for today’s episode, and for your willingness to continue your history lessons after you are done with Henry VIII.

Alice

August 18, 2007

Can You See It?

Filed under: Linkyness — aliceaudrey @ 10:19 am

I have my newsletter set up.  It’s supposed to be in the bar on the right.  I can’t see it with my browser.  I’ve heard it’s under Links on some browsers and under the Flickr Photos banner on others.  If you can’t see it at all, then go here:  Suzie’s House.  I recomend doing it soon, because you never know which Friday I’ll be using it.  :D

Alice

August 16, 2007

Newsletter Update

Filed under: Uncategorized — aliceaudrey @ 12:02 am

It appears I will not be able to pull off a love scene this week on Suzie’s House.  I’m having trouble setting up the newsletter.  Actually, I have it set up, but I want to get the settings right, and the way things are now anyone and everyone could sign up.

Ah well.  You all wanted me to surprise you anyway.

August 14, 2007

A new supermarket opened near my house.

Filed under: From the Mail Bag — aliceaudrey @ 11:39 pm

I got this in the emial recently.  You’ve probably seen it, but in case you haven’t: 

A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.

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