This is not a recipe I have tried, but it reminds me of the Galloping Gourmet. Read all the way to the bottom before you try it.
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 bottle rum
2 cups of dried fruit
Sample the rum to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the rum again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and
drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the rum is still OK.
Try another cup… just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Check the rum. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the rum to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the rum. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the rum and wipe the counter with the cat.
And my first thought on reading it was “where’s the flour”? Sad.