Alice’s Restaurant

May 8, 2007

The Tudors – Henry and Anne Get It On.

Filed under: Henry VIII, History with Mr. Al, Research — aliceaudrey @ 10:53 pm

Just so you know, I’m the one who comes up with the cheesy titles.  Mr. Al never thinks to give me one.  Anyway, when we left off Henry was about to discover something about his virginal queen-to-be not entirely to his liking.

It turned out, or so Henry later claimed, that Anne had been “corrupted” while in France. That she had had sexual experiences that left her, technically, still a virgin. He did not elaborate on what the experiences had been. The king found this most disturbing after all the protestations on Anne’s part that she had keep herself pure for Henry’s sake. Hard to imagine what a woman like Anne could have possibly done that would constitute sexual contact, while leaving her virginity intact. Hmmmmmm.

But no matter, If Henry had any doubts at that time he didn’t let them get in the way of his fun. He was getting what he wanted from the woman he wanted. It took a few months, but eventually Anne was pregnant. Henry just knew it was going to be a boy and shifted all his plans into high gear. On January 25 1533, Henry and Anne were married at Whitehall palace. It was a secret ceremony, immediate family only. All involved were sworn to secrecy. This didn’t prevent Henry from dropping broad hints while he was in his cups at a banquet a few weeks later. Henry’s drunken ranting weren’t the same as an official announcement, however. But it was just the sort of thing that spread faster than an official announcement.

No doubt word reached Katherine. Whither she believed it or would hardly have mattered. Henry was on a campaign to make Katherine’s life a living hell. He was succeeding. Having God and the people on her side was small conciliation after Henry took Princess Mary away from her. News from Rome was bad. The Pope was behind her 100 percent. Way, way behind her. At the moment Clement and Charles were pax because Charles needed Clement’s support against the Turks, who were on the Empires eastern borders. Clement threatened Henry with excommunication. Again. Henry told him to piss off. Again. Clement said he REALLY meant it this time! Henry’s reply? “Yeah? Whatever.” Or words to that effect.

By the time Henry and Anne were married, Henry had already decided to break with Rome. Clement didn’t know this, of course. He hoped against hope that such a catastrophe could be avoided. He really had no idea that his spineless waffling was one of the things that set Henry on his course. In February of 1533 Clement told Charles that Katherine’s case would be heard in Rome and Rome only. This time he would settle Henry’s hash once and for all, By God! He neglected to set a date for this big showdown. Not that it mattered to Henry. He had no intention of going to Rome. Physically place himself in the Emperors backyard? Not bloody likely.

 Charles was too preoccupied to do much. Invading England on Katherine’s behalf was something he had once been serious about. A number of things held him back now. One, a sea-borne invasion would be a huge undertaking. The logistics were daunting; assembling the ships, the horses and men, the equipment, the provisions, a staggering task. And the expense! It had been possible earlier, but all that manpower sequestered in the west while Johnny Turk was romping through the Balkans? The turbaned bastards wanted to sack Vienna! No, the timing just wasn’t right! The other thing was, as previously mentioned, Katherine herself. She was quickly becoming her own worse enemy.


Mr. Al has already given me the next Tudor installment.  It’s good, but I’m not going to tell you anything about it until Next Tuesday.  Then hopefully we will do a Tudor Tuesday until he’s covered the last of Henry’s queens.  I know it’s nothing to rival Tessa’s TMI Tuesday, but well worth swinging by anyway.


Challenge 3 Round 4 Winner

Filed under: FanLit — aliceaudrey @ 10:24 pm

Is Captive Nightmare.  If your story was in the top 5, please come and claim your entry.


Travel in the Post-Nine Eleven Era

Filed under: Day to Day Life, Research — aliceaudrey @ 12:44 am

Although I’ve been flying since I was a little kid, I haven’t been in the air since 911.  I had heard so much about how much harder it was to get through security that I was quite concerned.  Perhaps it was the time of day we flew, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected.

The set up was a little different from I remembered, but not bad.  We started off in the line for the courtesy desk to check in.  But unlike when I was a kid, they didn’t take our bags, merely affixed tags and gave us boarding passes.  We then went through a line that had a machine that looked a lot like a CAT scan machine.  The ticket line was of normal length.  It took us a little less than half an hour to get through.  The CAT scan thing was even shorter.  We then went to the security screen in front of the concourse.

From what I’d heard this could be a nightmare.  I’ve seen the pictures online of women being touched way too personally and heard about having to take your shoes off and how all kinds of things were being confiscated.  The number of turnings in the roped off line were daunting, but only about a quarter of the way had people.  Of course it was between 4 am and 5 am at the time.

We were prepared, having not brought anything objectionable, and breezed through.  Except my mother who they took to the side and ran a wand over to confirm the metal detector had indeed only picked up her new artificial hip, which we were expecting.

While we were waiting for our first plane we my sister and I went hunting for breakfast, specifically looking for cinnamon rolls.  I swear there were nearly as many guards as passengers in the concourse.  The one I found most interesting was the one on a bicycle.  He peddled past us several times.

We had a two and a half hour layover in the Dallas airport.  That was a bit long for two hyper kids.  They filled most of the time by riding up and down on the escalators.  Then we took the train for the entire loop.  That was fun, except none of us remembered to bring a camera.  Oh well, I thought.  We could get pictures on the way back.

In Belize the customs agents sat behind tall desks and literally rubber-stamped our paperwork in a matter of minutes.  No computers anywhere, but very little hassle.  They didn’t bother to look in our luggage.

The way back was another matter.  We only had an hour layover and in that hour had to collect our luggage, get through USA customs, pass through security again, and change gates. 

The plane landed on time, or we wouldn’t have had a chance.  I made sure we were among the first in our section to get off the plane.  Yes, bulldozer Alice at work.  The lines everywhere along the way moved fairly quickly, though the pilots and stewardesses kept butting in ahead of us.  However, with the time pressure I didn’t have a chance to transfer some of the stuff from my carry on to my suitcase.

The guy who took the last couple of ounces of my sunscreen looked so gleeful when he pointed at the label at the bottom of the container.  It doesn’t matter how much is actually in the container, only how much COULD be in it.  I know why they do it that way, but it’s nothing to crow about.  They took my applesauce, but left my Del Monty fruit cup.  Considering how unnatural those fruit cups look, you’d think they’d be far more suspect.  Now I have a lone fruit cup sitting in my refrigerator that I doubt anyone will ever eat because none of us felt like eating it on the plane.

They took my water bottle in the airport in Belize, but it’s easy to buy more both on the planes and in the airports.

We couldn’t get a cart because they said it would be too slow.  There’s my mother running through the concourse with a cane.  I had no idea she could move so fast so soon after surgery.  We took the train.  It was too dark out to take pictures and we were all too anxious about getting off at the right stop anyway.

They were already loading the plane when we got there.  Only a handful of people were still in line ahead of us, but about a dozen people got on the plane after we sat down.  It was very close, but we all made it, and didn’t even lose any luggage.

There was one other change from what I remember from before.  Airlines no longer serve those trays of food for lunch or dinner, let alone for free.  What they offered was pathetically small and way over priced.  For instance $4 for a bagel with cheese and ham.  Bring your own.  Just don’t include any applesauce.


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